Workout Fallout-Shameful Confession

Tags

, , , ,

I have a shameful confession. I completely fell out of my Property Project. I wasn’t trying on workouts, the few I did, and I wasn’t watching what I eat. It started a while back with an “I really don’t feel up to it today” along with a “well eating x won’t hurt me for just tonight” and quickly went downhill from there. I let things like my job and the severe frustration with being single mess with my head. I fell into that downhill spiral of eating my emotions like I have spoken about before here. As a result, and it is completely my fault, I have gained back almost 15 lbs total of what I had lost over my property project as of Dec 6, 2013.

Until now, I hadn’t told Ferns and the workout crew because I didn’t want to disappoint any of them as much as I have disappointed myself. It started out small and before I knew it, I had lost control. It was a vicious circle of failure followed by eating my emotions to failure again. I had honestly thought yesterday about emailing Ferns to take me off the workout crew because I felt I had slipped too far back and what was the point.

Then I received an email on Fetlife last night from someone I didn’t even know who had decided to read my Property Project. The person wanted to thank me for taking the time to blog about my feelings, progress, my setbacks, nutrition, workouts, and more because it inspired them to get out and improve themselves. The person expressed how they are similar to my size and can relate to how I feel and my posts about my property project has helped them. In actuality, as I told her, it was her email that has now helped me.

It’s not too late. I am not too far gone! I had lost track of the point in why I was doing this. I became upset no one noticed, that I was still single, etc. When in fact, I should be doing this for myself! Yes, my property project was started because I want to improve myself for my future Dominant but the main reason it was started is because *I* want to improve me for me. I admit my fallout and now it’s time to do something about it.

*any motivation and encouragement is greatly appreciated*

Sexuality Isn’t A Disorder

Tags

, , , , ,

Fair warning to the weak at heart that I am about to go on a rant again. This is a rant that really hits home for me. My rant is about referring to any type of sexuality or sexual expression as a “Disorder”. While the website I was reading wasn’t the originator of my rant, it is a prime example. The website depicts “definitions” of different types of lesbians and in those definitions, it uses the word “disorder” on more than one occasion to reference a specific “type” of lesbian, such as a butch.

When I was young I was taught anything outside of what society deems as “normal” sex for the purposes of reproduction is WRONG. Then when I came out as a lesbian I was basically treated like and told that I was WRONG. Then, anytime I expressed myself as a lesbian I was again WRONG. I heard things like “oh well you don’t wear makeup you must be a butch” and even “you like to be penetrated so you must really just be a closet heterosexual”. The first time I expressed submissive desires toward my partners I was again treated as if I was WRONG. People I reached out to always told me how “nasty” my desires were.

Do you know what it feels like inside to feel like something is wrong with you? Do you know what it is like to hold back with your partner when having sex to the point you are more focused on what you are doing because you are afraid to do something WRONG than enjoying what is going on? I do know what it feels like and it’s a horrible feeling. In fact, I still have to watch to keep myself from falling right back into that mindset which was beat into my mentality.

Although at times I do have to remind myself, if I have learned anything on this journey, it is that there is nothing wrong with me and the way in which I express my sexuality. I do NOT have a disorder. There is nothing wrong with me!!

e[lust] #56

elustheader Photo courtesy of Understanding Flutterby

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #57? Start with the rules, come back April 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Trick of the Light

What Does Porn Lead To

The Posh Life of a Sex Toy Reviewer?

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Eleven Quarters

Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Sadists

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Fiction

The Watchman
Short Story: Tucked Away
Property’s Progress
Glass Houses
Proud and Prejudged
You’ll Do…. Now Step Closer.
Pet Ballerina
Superotica Valentine – Day 7
Get In Me, Daddy
White Gloves

Blogging

Posting a photo a day!
How to Handle Your Junk in Public
My first trick on a corner
Mid Morning Musings ~ The Catharsis of Pain
Francesca Woodman Inspired Self Portraits
Eve’s Quandary – Blogging Between Fig Leaves
What I Be

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Why 3 out of 4 young women don’t masturbate
An Open Letter To Sex Toy Manufacturers
Daily Photo – Day 1: Full Disclosure

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Fantasies, deep and dark
Fun with ropes
Where we started from
Kink from a humbler perspective
To Err Is Human, To Punish May be Advisable
Reader Q&A: How does a sub say ‘no’?
Finding Balance

Erotic Non-Fiction

Suspended
Sister, Oh Sister
My First Trick
This one’s for you
Angela’s orgasm
His Rope Show
Finger Banging With Daddy
Feeding Submission
Valentine’s Day Diary
Balance at the Boat Launch
Rope, Rhino Cock, and a Balancing Act
Exquisite

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Monogamous, Kinky Couple-Friends
As Lust Fades
A discussion with Mom
When Did You Realize You Were Dominant?
How to Fake an Orgasm
How To Increase Your Libido Without Cialis

Writing About Writing

Talking Dirty
Fiction! Thank You!

Poetry

I’m Willing To Earn The Right
Bad habits

elustbutton200

Crushes: How Do We Let Go?

Tags

, , , , ,

How do I get over you when I see you in my dreams? How do I move on when we still talk all the time? How is it I can stop myself, when I see you with or hear you talk about another, from wishing that was me? What do I do with all these feelings?

You know I was starting to lecture my daughter on letting go of a crush today when I realized that I was lecturing her basically that her feelings weren’t valid. That wasn’t right nor fair on me and I quickly apologized. Then something and someone came to mind and I realized that perhaps I need to find a lecture, or at least some really tough answers, for myself.

I’m Willing To Earn The Right

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

I’m willing to earn the right
Only to be called Hers
Proudly kneel at her feet
To offer her every demand
 
I’m willing to earn the right
Through blood, sweat, and tears
Spend the hours, gain the knowledge
Learning the right way to serve
 
I’m willing to earn the right
To kiss her Goodnight
Wake to see her smile
Feel her marks on my skin
 
I’m willing to earn the right
Only to be called Hers
Surrender myself completely
She deserves nothing less
 
I’m willing to earn the right
Give her my submission
But she must earn the right
By protecting my gift with her passion

Contest Winners!

Tags

, , , , , ,

Sorry for the delay in announcing the winners of the contest. I have been working a lot of overtime at work and things have just been really busy. But I promise I haven’t forgotten and I always keep a promise!

I was hoping for far more responses to my question. However, I know that people are busy and what I asked required great thought and time. I am happy with the responses that I received though, and I found it difficult to pick just two winners. I want to thank each of you who did take the time to respond with some really great answers.

Okay, so drum roll please! 

The Dominant winner is without a doubt Najakcharmer for her simply amazing explanation of why she loves submissive males. I saw it once on her Fetlife and loved how she explained it there before and still love it. Reading her explanation of why she loves submissive males I can actually *feel* her love and passion for submissives. I especially love her quote of “I am in awe of the courage that it must take to submit with willingness and grace. It inspires me to strive for greatness within myself, so that I may remain completely worthy of such a gift.” I absolutely LOVE that statement.

The submissive winner I choose Caged Bob for his beautiful explanation of how serving his wife and control of orgasms is intertwined. I will be honest, I had a difficult time at first judging this piece because it did speak of male orgasms and I am a lesbian so that is so not my territory. However, once I stepped back and really read into what it was Caged Bob was talking about it, I realized it wasn’t just about him orgasming but her control of him and that power behind it. The quote that got me the most was “The joy of serving my wife is overwhelming and amazing!My life before submission involved me being an arrogant and a dominant male without direction in my life…”

Can both winners, please email me the information needed for me to purchase and send them their copy of Fern’s absolutely amazing book Domme Chronicles: Erotic Tales of love, passion, & domination. Purchase of the book will be made through Amazon and Smashwords. Since I am running behind on things your purchases will be completed on Saturday the 8th at the latest (my day off)

I absolutely find Ferns book addicting and I know you will love it too!

 

Can I Trust You?

Tags

, , , , , ,

I find it fascinating when people say take what a person says as the truth or they normally trust a person until they see the person can’t be trusted. I’m not sure if it’s from the experiences I have had or if I have always been this way but I am completely the opposite. I trust very few people. When I say I trust very few people I am not exaggerating. I can think of four people in my life that I trust completely. If you are reading that statement and wondering if or why I don’t trust you please don’t be offended because it is my issue. If I have told you that I trust you, then trust me, you do something to earn that and it’s not something I do easily or often.

My trust issues range from minor things I do out of habit that hardly anyone notices to behaviors that cause some complications in my relationships. When I walk down the street I glance over my shoulder often and at restaurants I prefer to sit where I am facing the entrance. In a crowd of people I am constantly scanning my surroundings with my eyes. I also have a habit of mentally questioning people’s motives. These sound like little silly behaviors and for the most part no one really notices that I am doing these things. However, my lack of trust has caused complications in my relationships.

In my past relationships I have been lied to, used for financial support, and cheated on. Now, I question whether my partners are possibly lying to me because of some reason they feel is in the best interest of our relationship. I question whether they are going to cheat on me at any time or if they are just with me because I take care of them. It’s a difficult balance because I never want to make my partner, or anyone, feel like they have to pay for some else’s mistakes or that they have to prove themselves to me. But trust is not just something I can force myself to do either. I’ve never really been a trusting person and I think that as I have grown I have become even less trusting.

 

What is the most confusing is, for many reasons, I am not sure that I am torn as to whether I want to change being an untrusting person too.

e[lust] #55

rose Photo courtesy of Sex with Rose

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #56? Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Why I Post Nude Photos (and blog about sex)
Discovering Myself Through My Strap-On
Sex Toy Shaming and Bigoted Wise Cracks, FTW!

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Aftercare and BDSM Play
Two worlds

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Fiction

Come Again
Undiluted
Shudder
Tattoo
And When I Take You…..
Ride on the Night bus
Superotica Valentine – Day 1
The spelling lesson

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Please let me just say “no.”
5 Easy Mistakes to Make While Flirting
SexyLittleIdeas – The Woman in the Dark Alley
Comparisons
Treasured Property
Supporting Love and Freedom
Predicting My Own Future
Let’s Go Down Again
How to eat my pussy
10 (non-sexual) ways to be intimate with your
Permission to be Human: Granted.
Squirting: What Science Says

Erotic Non-Fiction

Date with V. (N. Likes)
Luscious
Saving Movie Night
Wicked Wednesday: Nervous
The Painter
Stolen Moments Turn Into Treasured Memories
The Art of the Blow Job and Deepthroat
Stun Guns & Happiness
Fatal’s First Time (with a Hitachi)
First Session
Probation Officer #145: Bowre of blisse 9
Trust Games

Blogging

you will ask Me to fuck your ass
Fish & Chips
This is not an invitation
Men I Have Known
My Storyyy (Trigger Warning)

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

More Than Whips and Chains
Being shouted at: kink or abuse?
Explaining violence and sex
Awww Yeah – Targeted Marketing!
Grass is always greener – swinging
Lazy Dog Sex Position

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Valentine’s Day Sex Toy Selections
Discovering My Sexuality
Pathologizing Male Aggression

Poetry

Sex is…


elustbutton200

Win a Copy of Domme Chronicles: Erotic Tales of love, passion, & domination!!!

Tags

, ,

I am always talking about how difficult it is to find anyone who is potential material that also has the level of passion I miss so much. It’s that extremely deep passion that runs so strong in your soul that describing it with words seems almost impossible. However, I do love it when some people are able to paint images of intense passion through words.

As Valentine’s Day is coming upon us quickly, and my mind has been on how much I miss that passion I have decided to host a contest here on my blog. I am in search of the most amazing description, full of passion and heart, on what it *means* to you to be Dominant or submissive. I want you to paint me a picture of what it is like for you to serve your Dominant partner and what it means to you. Dominants, the same thing in reverse, draw me into feeling what it is like for you to control your partner and to hold that trust in your hands.  I want to *FEEL* your passion and heart in what it means to you, not just read a bunch of descriptions.

I will pick two winners out of all the entries for this contest; one Dominant and one submissive. The two winners will win a copy of Domme Chronicles: Erotic Tales of love, passion, & domination in your choice of available formats which I will personally purchase for you. All entries must be submitted by February 28th and the winner’s will receive their purchased copies of Domme Chronicles: Erotic Tales of love, passion, & domination on March 4th after the announcement of the winning entries.

 

***Submit all entries as comments here on this post.***

Sexucation 1: Kink and Fetishes

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

*Stands up at the podium and clears throat*

Hello, my name is Mysticlez and I am sexually attracted to physically fit women. There, I said it! Though, I have never really kept my thing for muscular toned women a secret. When I see a woman who has put forth the sweat, hard work, passion, and dedication to sculpt her body to “perfection” I get totally *swoon* over it. If she can overpower me that is all the better too, but that is a different post. I am not attracted to the bodybuilder type, though, just muscular toned.

When a beautiful woman has some finely sculpted muscle and I catch sight of her muscles flexing out the corner of my eye… Oh yes, give me some of that!!  *twitches fingers and whimpers*

Reflecting on my attraction to physically fit women has caused my curiosity to spike again. At what point would you, general blog readers, consider an attraction to be a fetish and a kink? If I find a muscular woman sexually attractive does that mean that I have a muscle worship fetish? Additionally, if I show my attraction towards her being physically fit during play does that also mean I have a kink for muscles?

Not just with my attraction toward muscular women, but with any attraction; how do we define kinks and fetishes and at what point does one deem something to have officially become a kink or fetish?